i can feel the pull

The time has come for inevitable change. There is a place not too far from here that is calling to us. A place in the woods. in the country. away from here. I haven’t given up on the city life. As Rufus puts it “the soles of my shoes are made for the city”, but my heart belongs to the trees.

It seems, as the universe is lighting the path, that perhaps the city isn’t where we should be just now. I have been here 5 years and I don’t really take advantage of all there is here. We are not late night folk and we lack the funds to take part in the fan fare of Manhattan on a regular basis. We like our home, our stuff and our kitty (soon to be kitties), movies and good food, friendly visitors stopping by as the afternoon comes to a close. We want to garden… outdoors, more space in the kitchen, in the bathroom. A slower lifestyle for a couple of passionate yet simple people who like to spend time together and bask in the sun and/or play in the snow.

Making new friends intimidates me, as I get older I become more and more shy when it comes to new folks. This is a constant struggle for me, here in NY and potentially in Mass as well. I think Mass though will be less intimidating. People in NY are so… hip. I have never been and never will be hip. I don’t want to be either, that is the thing. People here try so hard to be or not to be (i am not quoting shakespeare here), they have an idea of what it means to live here and they set out to be that, evolve into that, whatever it may be, because here one most definitely has options. The problem that I face is that who I want to evolve into isn’t fitting with how this city grooms it’s inhabitants.

I think the life for me is one where money isn’t a priority, a life where I am not worried about how I will pay my rent, a life where I can work less often and spend more time enjoying the ones I love, experiencing the world around me, creating beautiful things and putting words to page, finally. There is too much noise in my head without the cacophony of city living. But, I do love it here.

I love riding the subway, over the bridge at sunrise or sunset. I love the variety, of people and foods, styles and opinions. I love the constant reminder that we are all anonymous in some way, I love seeing the many buildings with many windows, some lit some dark, representing a life. I love the languages I hear, most I can figure, some remain a mystery and leave me longing to have a secret language of my own. I love when the news shows NYC so dramatically and yet here I sit, on my stoop in Brooklyn listening to birds and watching children play hop scotch. A simple life, complicated by a bustling city known around the world. I love telling people that I live in Brooklyn. I love my apartment on Marlborough Road and the Q train to Courtelyou. 

I am most positive that I will fall in love with the valley the same way I have fallen into Brooklyn. Mylo loves it there and we are kindred spirits often enticed by the same things. And seeing as how this is a photography blog, I feel I should mention that as a subject Brooklyn and NYC has become a bit dry for me. I have seen too many and taken too many pictures of the same city scape/rough lifestyle/hipness that seems to be all NYC can offer. I prefer shooting nature to people and open spaces are more mysterious then architecture. I would miss the lights though, nothing can really make silver halide dance like the lights of New York City. But, we will venture back, and often, we have a toddler to watch grow up, a most perfect little nephew who we have become a custom to seeing weekly.

No decisions have been made yet, we are still in the Pro/Con stage of things, but we seem to be leaning more and more in the direction of leaving. This fills me both with excitement and intense fear, of the unknown. This is life, I can feel the pull.


One thought on “i can feel the pull

  1. Nice words, well written and right from the heart. Where-ever u go home is where your heart is. I’m close regardless. Enjoy your lifes path…

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